2016

  

It’s not always a big event or holiday that brings on the ache of missing her; it’s the small moments. The laugh aloud idiosyncrasies of everyday life that still make me grab my phone to text her and tell her. Wanting to send her a photo of @pinkyinablanket and I cuddling, or her in the Santa outfit my mom bought her but never got to see her try on. Wanting to ask her if the pea soup I made is missing anything. Wanting her to come over to the house she never saw us buy, and brush back my hair when I’m sick. Venting about work and all the things she would just “get.” I miss talking about her normally, without wondering if the person I’m talking to feels odd or awkward, and doesn’t know what to say next. I miss telling people how funny she was and miss getting to complain about something she did. I miss her wake up texts and finding bags of chocolate in my purse from her. I miss showing people pictures of her like this and showing her how to make one her Facebook profile. I miss fighting with her and getting to make up. Missing feeling unconditionally loved by someone who made you appears in the mini-moments of life more and more as time goes by, as you learn to deal with milestones and major problems or successes on your own. It gets bigger and littler all the same. I’ve learned that loss certainly doesn’t have an expiration date- the grieving never stops. It just changes. #Mom

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